Let's Talk Divorce
It doesn't matter how old you are, or how long you’ve been out of your parents house..Divorce hurts!
My parents recently divorced after 35+ years, I know, crazy! I thought they would always be together, I never would have expected my parents to part ways...Never in a million years!
But they did, and now the family dynamics at holidays and parties will never be the same.
That's why it's important to know that divorce doesn't just affect the two individuals who are married, but the whole family, extended family, friends, neighbors, even co-workers. Everyone feels the pain, especially the children!
Now please, don't feel any judgement.. I've been divorced myself. I've discovered the pain and hurt divorce causes- first hand. And it was excruciating!
I was married at the tender age of 18 to my high school sweetheart. Our marriage ended after a very painful, unfaithful, moment. I tried to forgive him and move forward, but I couldn't. Honestly, I was too insecure to handle a relationship where I couldn't trust my husband.
But the point is, it was painful and not just for the two of us, but for everyone. I remember telling my little niece Natalie, she was 4 years old then. Her mom (my sister) lived in a different state, and therefore, my mom and I were raising her and her little sister. (I ended up adopting them later on.) But my sweet, little, Natalie, was devastated! She bawled her little eyes out, she understood divorce! She already knew what that meant! And it that broke my heart. I felt lower than dirt at that moment.
Then there was his family, whom I ADORED!! I was so close to his parents that I cried and cried for days, weeks and even months! I have no doubt it was equally difficult on their part.
It affected everyone around us, our friends felt torn between the two, relatives felt they had to be loyal to their “blood.” It's awful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Even though, it was for the better, and it ended up being a huge blessing on my part..That still doesn't change the pain that it caused everyone. Because there is so much more than just a marriage at stake when you're deciding on a divorce.
If you ever find yourself contemplating a divorce, please ask yourself these questions first:
1) Can you work this out?
I know at the moment, your disagreement may seem impossible to come to any sort of peaceful terms. But is it truly impossible?
2) Have you done everything you can to save your marriage?
Have you thought about couples counseling? Perhaps you can try going on a second honeymoon to rekindle the romance? Reading marriage books to work through problems? There are so many options and endless things that you can try...Just make sure, you don't want to look back and have any regrets.
3) When was the last time you were intimate or affectionate towards one another?
If you don't try to make time for intimacy, then you’re setting your marriage up for failure. You need to make time to go on dates (I recommend weekly). Make time to be affectionate, and to pray with one another DAILY!
4) Do you and your spouse argue daily? Does everything about him or her irritate you? Well, tell me, when was the last time you laughed together?
See, we all need to remember what it was that made us fall in love in the first place!?
It's imperative that marriages find ways to laugh, and enjoy one another’s company.
Marriage isn't easy, its work! But just like any job, you get what you put into it. If you want it to work, you have to work at it! No marriage, not one, single, one, is “bulletproof.”
If this divorce, between my parents, has taught me anything..It is that, no marriage is guaranteed.
Marriage is a daily choice. You must choose to walk in patience and kindness.
Patience is where love meets wisdom. We must realize that love in its truest sense is NOT based on feelings. And you will never learn to love until you learn not to act out based on your feelings. Instead choose to demonstrate kindness, thoughtful actions, even when there seems to be no reward.
If you want to have a healthy marriage full of love, kindness, wisdom and success, first you need to surrender your life to the will of God. Then you need to die to yourself...AND lastly, be the change..Start putting your spouse's needs, before your own.
And that's when it all changes, when your marriage can begin grow and blossom!
I want to see marriages grow stronger, and families thriving as a family unit.
I’m your Mrs. International reminding you- TO CHOOSE LOVE,