I still vividly remember how dark and alone I felt on that day.
I wish that I could look my younger self in the eye and just give her a hug. The hug wouldn’t “fix it” but maybe it would strike a cord that would cause symptom use to stop for a brief moment. I wish I could go back and speak Truth into my own life. There was so much brokenness and worldly searching for approval… when in reality I just needed to seek Jesus.
Sometimes when I’m journaling late at night, I find myself reflecting on that low point in my life. I was at my personal rock bottom. However… I find it so beautiful that even in the depths… God was writing His story and would exchange my brokenness for true beauty in Him.
February hosts NEDA Week - National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. It’s also the month my eating disorder began to show itself through symptom use. I don’t believe in coincidence, and I know that all things work for our good and His glory.
How beautiful is it that my struggle showed itself during the same month that I would later spend advocating for years down the road?
Yes, it’s tough…. but come on! How amazing is that? That’s not chance - that’s beauty in action by our Heavenly Father! My pain led to a greater purpose and I’m so blessed that my 2017 February looks so different than it did many years ago. February to February… wow. I know it sounds crazy, but that genuinely makes me smile and rejoice.
The pain I faced was dark and full of fear… but I was never alone. I love thinking about the fact that my Healer was sitting in the Heavens above looking down at me seeing how all the pieces would fit together and holding me in the palm of His hand. It truly makes me cry tears of joy when I think about how loved I was… even in the darkness.
Beauty for ashes.
There is no Healer like our Lord. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, I want to look you in the eye and give you a hug. Recovery is possible. Some time from now… you’ll be in my shoes and looking back with joy and strength from the challenge you’ve overcome. You’re never alone and I am praying for you to know the treasured jewel you are.
If you or someone you know is challenged by an eating disorder, please visit www.nedawareness.org and help me change the world during NEDA Week February 26th, 2017 - March 4th, 2017.
You are beautiful. You are chosen. You are able. You are worthy.
Redefining Beauty Worldwide,
Miss International 2016