I recently went through a tough situation with a young lady in my youth group. It was probably the most stressful season of my life, however, it taught me a great lesson.
I've always known that communication was important, but it wasn't till recently, that I realized the huge role it played in our everyday lives.
First of all, anyone can "communicate" but it takes a good listener - to be a great communicator.
The most important part of communication is listening. I know in my marriage, 99% of our arguments could have been avoided with a lil communication. "Had I listened to his needs" or vice versa "Had I listened to her needs..."
See, the lack of communication, miscommunication or bad communication can literally be the death of a marriage, a family, a friendship, or even a job.
We communicate daily, yet we don't work on our communication. I don't know anyone who has taken a communication "workshop" or read books on communication...Although they're out there.
Because all of us "know" how to communicate, right?
Well this young lady was so afraid to talk to her parents about her dilemma, that it literally paralyzed her. She was pregnant, and due to her fear, she was willing to give up her baby just to avoid telling her parents that she was pregnant. And it didn't matter how much I pleaded and begged her...Anything was a better than telling her parents (according to her.)
But you see, when there is an absence of true communication (listening). Or lack of kindness and patience in our communication, then the conversation is one-sided. And it is therefore, talking, not communicating.
This got me thinking, how many times have I "talked" to my kids? I too, was guilty of this.
It's really easy as a parent to talk down to our kids, even though 99% of the time, it's unintentional. Unfortunately, this type of "communication" is relational - suicide.
Eventually your child, spouse, friend or coworker will stop "communicating" with you. From there, it's only a matter of time before the relationship is buried 6 feet under.
So here is some advice for all of us... Cause let’s face it, none of us are perfect and we can all use a little help.
First of all - Listen! Make sure you are engaged in the conversation, and show that you care about their feelings.
(For parents)- Never get upset when a child entrusts you with a problem. Be honored that he or she came to you. (When my kids come to me, choosing to be open and honest...I show them grace. Depending on the situation.)
Second - Patience and kindness are the two pillars of love. If you love someone, your conversations should be led by patience and kindness.
So be patient, listen to their needs, and then kindly communicate your side, feelings and needs.
Lastly - Love pierces the atmosphere! Sow seeds of love.
The more respectful and honorable your behavior, the more trust you will reap in your relationships.
I'm your Mrs. International, reminding you - To choose love,