Feeling Unloveable

As a little, I was constantly the one being bullied about my weight… hair… face… everything was fair game. Time went on and the words continued to cut into my heart and grew into attacks on my character. People who didn’t even know me would criticize who I was, my volunteerism, and my involvement in pageantry. I vividly remember sitting at home on a Friday night with my parents and wondering if I would ever have friends in my home town. These thoughts and actions by others took to my sensitive heart and I felt unloveable. I allowed other’s words to take reign over what God said about me. My mind continued to spiral down and my question of being worthy of love was one of the root issues of my eating disorder.

As Miss International and even just as Amanda, I still receive criticism. It doesn’t go away just because I have a crown on my head. When I’m not careful and intentional… it becomes a storm in my mind and I can quickly begin having the same questions. I think the second someone steps into the spotlight, the enemy works even harder because he knows the glory you are about to bring God.

Negative thoughts come rushing in - loud and intense… if I am not rooted in the Word, I can crumble quickly. As an overcomer of anxiety and depression, I can sense it beginning to attack my heart. Someone will say something negative about my character or the way I look and in an instant I have a decision. I can let the enemy win and feel unloveable… or I can listen to the words of Truth from God. It’s not easy, but it is critical that I make the choice that is best for my heart.

Something God has taught me so much, but today I want to highlight something He’s been teaching me big time since I left recovery.

Not everyone is going to love you… or even like you. That’s okay.

I have felt it heavy on my heart to share that truth. It’s not a “pretty” truth… but it is reality. We are all different with different opinions, tastes, and thoughts. Not everyone has to like us, but we are called to extend love and respect. Just because someone criticizes you doesn’t mean that you are unloved or unworthy - it just means maybe they don’t see things the same way as your or maybe their eyes can’t see your beauty. One of my favorite quotes - mentioned in Princess Diaries - is “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

We may not be loved or liked by the world every single moment of every single day, but there is a Father in Heaven that calls us loved - beautiful - justified - redeemed - accepted - chosen - heir - able - Holy. Yes, it may sting when someone says something negative about us, but we just always remember that we are treasured jewels. We are loved.

Redefining Beauty Worldwide,

Amanda Moreno
Miss International 2016