307

307 days stood between the night I was crowned Miss New York International and the moment Miss International 2013 would be named.  307 chances to make my mark on my state and those I came across.
307 opportunities to work toward a once in a lifetime moment and year.  307 times to visualize what actually hearing my name called on July 27, 2013 would look and feel like (ok, maybe 307 times 2 for that one).

If I may speak candidly - when I left my full-time career back in January in order to make the most of my year as a state titleholder, without realizing it I tacked on some unwelcomed extra pressure.  Pressure to not have to look back on my leap of faith with regret, pressure to validate the sacrifices my loved ones made, and pressure to live up to the well wishes and positive expectations of those I met throughout my journey.  I immediately realized that I would have to work incredibly hard and leave no stone unturned in the process.  I truly believe that anyone within a 5 block radius felt the stress and tension that sometimes accompanied my preparation (oops).

Then something beautiful happened when I arrived in Chicago.  I just felt happy to be here, honored to be on an international stage, knowing that so few women will ever get the chance to experience something like that. Even beyond this, I started really falling in love with the women I was meeting!  As a volunteerism advocate, I had so many moments of comfort knowing that I was surrounded by our next generation of service leaders and positive role models.  All of that pressure melted away and I was able to just have fun.  From cheering on my sister queens during rehearsal, giggling in the green room getting our hair and make-up done,  and taking silly photos backstage I knew that if it wasn’t me I would be happy seeing any of those ladies have their moment.

I was eerily calm Saturday evening – with the exception of being called TENTH in the top ten… not so calm then.  I led a few group prayers with the ladies on my side of the stage and the other Miss contestants before evening gown, feeling SO grateful for how far we had come and how I knew that God’s plan was about to be revealed.

And then it happened.  I heard my name.  307 days, chances, opportunities all coming to fruition in those few words that announced that my life would be forever changed.  Looking out in the audience and seeing my State Directors, Jodi and Scott Cessna, and all of my loved ones crying along with me made all of the hard work and dedication so worth it.  This was as much a triumph for them as it was for me.  It was the collective effort and support they offered when my faith waivered that got me to this point in one piece – I will be forever grateful to each of them for being my strength when I thought I had nothing left to give.

I will probably still wake up tomorrow and wonder if it’s real, wonder if it is just another dream.  The moment was perfect, everything I hoped it would be.  However, the real treasure was in the unexpected: the relationships, the inspiration, the late night conversations with my sister queens, and the friendships that I will always cherish.

At the Coronation Ball with my State Directors, the Cessnas, and some of my sister queens from New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania

I took this video at the conclusion of finals competition… BEFORE results.  I wanted to always remember that moment before I knew what the outcome would be. 

Love,
Jesse