Why I Chose Pageants
Pageantry was never on my radar. Which is surprising to most people since my mother is a former Mrs. North Dakota International. I of course loved the fact that my mother was a “professional princess” but as a little girl I wasn’t fancied by all of the glitz and glam, I was more interested in playing with Nerf guns in my tutu and Lion King boots. It wasn’t until my life was turned upside down that I decided to throw on the 6 inch heals and take on the stage.
Throughout my elementary and middle school years I endured a tremendous amount of bullying. I had a rather eclectic sense of style and struggled with my weight but I was confident in who I was. That is until my peers decided to bring my differences to my attention and we all know the elegant subtlety that children possess when addressing people who may look a bit different from them. I never let their words hurt me because I knew who I was and I had friends and family who loved me just the way that I was. Lion King boots and all.
It wasn’t until a particularly hurtful comment was made to me on social media that I began to feel self-conscious and insecure about myself. When I was a freshman in high school I had discovered the wonderful world of contact lenses and lost a little bit of weight. I was feeling incredibly confident and decided to post a selfie on Facebook. Let me tell you, the selfie game was definitely not as strong in the early 2000’s as it is today but at the time, I thought I looked beautiful in the photo. A little while after posting the selfie I returned to the desktop (yes kids, that’s where Facebook was back then) and I had one notification. The notification was “You're so ugly.” (that is a DIRECT quote by the way)
I was devastated. As a teenager, all you want in the world is to feel accepted and comfortable in your own skin and in that moment that was taken from me. From that moment on I was self conscience and really struggled with my confidence. I allowed three words (with one in the wrong form) define me for years. Those words were always with me. They were in the back of my brain like a little bug eating away at me telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I never would be.
It’s when I was in college that everything turned completely upside down. I was a victim of a severe cyberbullying and stalking situation. This individual was someone I had been in a relationship with in high school that ended shortly after starting college. Now I will be honest and say I was not making good choices at this stage of my life and did not treat this individual fairly, however, despite my actions, no one deserves what I had to endure. I was receiving constant phone calls, text messages and voicemails telling me how I was a monster and that I didn’t deserve to live. These messages were never ending and coming from individuals that I didn’t even know. People who had never met me were telling me I didn’t deserve to be here anymore.
One day I received a message that I will never forget. “Kill yourself”. Those two words were branded into my brain. I began to believe that I no longer had a reason to be here. I saw no future ahead of me and I was unable to see beyond the current situation that I was stuck in. I thought that it was better for everyone if I just wasn’t here.
After my suicide attempt in 2015, my confidence was at an all time low. The little girl that would proudly strut around in her Lion King boots with a Nerf gun in hand and was full of confidence seemed to be a distant memory and far from my reach. To help regain my confidence, my mother encouraged me to run in a pageant. I definitely didn’t scream “pageant” however. I had purple hair, piercings and tattoos. I certainly didn’t look the part. With a lot of help and even more encouragement from friends and family I eventually ran. The second that crown hit my head I knew exactly what my purpose was. My purpose and my mission was to raise awareness for suicide prevention and share my story around the world.
That was a huge mission for a young girl recovering from a suicide attempt. This is the same girl who would refuse to look up and speak in front of her class. How was she going to speak to thousands? Like I always say “One crown can’t change the world but one crown has changed my world forever.” It took a lot of preparation and research but I developed Hearts for Hope and began speaking locally, nationally, and internationally.
Not to be too cheesy but I didn’t choose pageants, they chose me. Again, pageants were never on my radar. My path of life just led me along a rather serendipitous journey and brought me to the right stage at the right time. Pageantry is far from being about crowns and gowns (they can be, but that is definitely not the intention) they are about creating confident, powerful and courageous women that are determined to make a difference.
I can confidently say that pageantry has changed my life forever. In four years I went from being a lost girl waking up from a suicide attempt to becoming a published journalist, worldwide ambassador, business owner, award winning makeup artist, woman of the year nominee, Miss North Dakota International 2019 and Miss International 2019. My life changed forever because I decided to take a risk and put myself out there.
“Challenges are what make life interesting, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” When you decide to challenge yourself is when extraordinary things can happen. So I encourage all of you reading this to take on those challenges ahead of you and go beyond your comfort zone. Whether it is through pageantry or not. There is no doubt that the challenges that I have faced in my life have made me stronger but it’s because of pageantry that I have been able to use that strength to make a difference and fulfill my purpose as a suicide prevention advocate.
So whatever those challenges are ahead of you, push through them. Because the lessons learned, knowledge gained, and strength you will have at the end of it will be priceless and hold a new world of possibilities.
Have courage and always be kind,
Ava Hill
Miss International 2019
Throughout my elementary and middle school years I endured a tremendous amount of bullying. I had a rather eclectic sense of style and struggled with my weight but I was confident in who I was. That is until my peers decided to bring my differences to my attention and we all know the elegant subtlety that children possess when addressing people who may look a bit different from them. I never let their words hurt me because I knew who I was and I had friends and family who loved me just the way that I was. Lion King boots and all.
It wasn’t until a particularly hurtful comment was made to me on social media that I began to feel self-conscious and insecure about myself. When I was a freshman in high school I had discovered the wonderful world of contact lenses and lost a little bit of weight. I was feeling incredibly confident and decided to post a selfie on Facebook. Let me tell you, the selfie game was definitely not as strong in the early 2000’s as it is today but at the time, I thought I looked beautiful in the photo. A little while after posting the selfie I returned to the desktop (yes kids, that’s where Facebook was back then) and I had one notification. The notification was “You're so ugly.” (that is a DIRECT quote by the way)
I was devastated. As a teenager, all you want in the world is to feel accepted and comfortable in your own skin and in that moment that was taken from me. From that moment on I was self conscience and really struggled with my confidence. I allowed three words (with one in the wrong form) define me for years. Those words were always with me. They were in the back of my brain like a little bug eating away at me telling me that I wasn’t good enough and that I never would be.
It’s when I was in college that everything turned completely upside down. I was a victim of a severe cyberbullying and stalking situation. This individual was someone I had been in a relationship with in high school that ended shortly after starting college. Now I will be honest and say I was not making good choices at this stage of my life and did not treat this individual fairly, however, despite my actions, no one deserves what I had to endure. I was receiving constant phone calls, text messages and voicemails telling me how I was a monster and that I didn’t deserve to live. These messages were never ending and coming from individuals that I didn’t even know. People who had never met me were telling me I didn’t deserve to be here anymore.
One day I received a message that I will never forget. “Kill yourself”. Those two words were branded into my brain. I began to believe that I no longer had a reason to be here. I saw no future ahead of me and I was unable to see beyond the current situation that I was stuck in. I thought that it was better for everyone if I just wasn’t here.
After my suicide attempt in 2015, my confidence was at an all time low. The little girl that would proudly strut around in her Lion King boots with a Nerf gun in hand and was full of confidence seemed to be a distant memory and far from my reach. To help regain my confidence, my mother encouraged me to run in a pageant. I definitely didn’t scream “pageant” however. I had purple hair, piercings and tattoos. I certainly didn’t look the part. With a lot of help and even more encouragement from friends and family I eventually ran. The second that crown hit my head I knew exactly what my purpose was. My purpose and my mission was to raise awareness for suicide prevention and share my story around the world.
That was a huge mission for a young girl recovering from a suicide attempt. This is the same girl who would refuse to look up and speak in front of her class. How was she going to speak to thousands? Like I always say “One crown can’t change the world but one crown has changed my world forever.” It took a lot of preparation and research but I developed Hearts for Hope and began speaking locally, nationally, and internationally.
Not to be too cheesy but I didn’t choose pageants, they chose me. Again, pageants were never on my radar. My path of life just led me along a rather serendipitous journey and brought me to the right stage at the right time. Pageantry is far from being about crowns and gowns (they can be, but that is definitely not the intention) they are about creating confident, powerful and courageous women that are determined to make a difference.
I can confidently say that pageantry has changed my life forever. In four years I went from being a lost girl waking up from a suicide attempt to becoming a published journalist, worldwide ambassador, business owner, award winning makeup artist, woman of the year nominee, Miss North Dakota International 2019 and Miss International 2019. My life changed forever because I decided to take a risk and put myself out there.
“Challenges are what make life interesting, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” When you decide to challenge yourself is when extraordinary things can happen. So I encourage all of you reading this to take on those challenges ahead of you and go beyond your comfort zone. Whether it is through pageantry or not. There is no doubt that the challenges that I have faced in my life have made me stronger but it’s because of pageantry that I have been able to use that strength to make a difference and fulfill my purpose as a suicide prevention advocate.
So whatever those challenges are ahead of you, push through them. Because the lessons learned, knowledge gained, and strength you will have at the end of it will be priceless and hold a new world of possibilities.
Ava Hill
Miss International 2019
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