Thursday, November 17, 2016

Unanswered Prayers

I remember how upset I was, how angry...Hurting, crying. Literally, on my face, yelling "God, why didn't you show up! Why? Where are you, do you even hear me!!??"

Have you ever felt this way?

Like you're talking to a brick wall? No one is hearing, and definitely, no one is answering?

Well, let me tell you about one of those times in my life.....

First of all, I want you to know that everytime I write a blog, I pray and wait on God to guide me in a certain direction...

Well, this is a extremely difficult blog for me to write..But I know He is leading me to write about this. My hope is that it blesses you!

My most, painful, unanswered prayer:

I had married my high school sweetheart. I adored him, I truly did. We started dating at 16, and we married at 18. NO, I wasn't pregnant! Just madly in love!

So we had a HUGE, dream wedding, with the works! My dress' train was the size of three cathedral trains (I was a huge Princess Diana fan and I wanted a train as big as hers.)

Shortly after our wedding, I discovered my husband's addiction. And the "honeymoon" officially ended. I was so young, so naive, I didn't understand....And most don't.

He was addicted to pornography.

See, I knew what the word said....I grew up in the church. And I knew that it says "If you look at a woman in a lustful way, you've committed adultery!" Matt 5:28

So to me, this was no different, and especially to God, it's NO different. There's no sugar coating it!

And the pain it caused me, was definitely, no different. This caused me to be the most insecure and self conscious person.

It was hurting me, it was hurting our marriage, and it was hurting him.

You have to comprehend the consequences of pornography to understand. Pornography literally scars your brain! Read this amazing article talking about the effects porn causes on your brain:

https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/9-things-you-should-know-about-pornography-and-the-brain

Our marriage ended shortly after that, I tried to make it work, endured four years of torture. And finally, when he acted out on his impulse and physically cheated..I couldn't, it was over.

It hurt, hurt sooo bad!!

I can't tell you how many times I came to God, begging Him..."Please don't let my marriage end!"

But it did.

And now I can say, thank God it did!

I'm so grateful for that unanswered prayer. It was the biggest blessing.. Let me tell you why:

Because of that, I was able to meet my dream man. The man I had been praying for all my life, however, I stopped believing I deserved "such a man."

He was, and is, everything I ever wanted, and more!

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God had given me "double for my trouble!" 

I have endless stories of God's unanswered prayers, and the blessings that came because of them.

But I write this blog to say this, “If you're believing for something and it hasn't happened, maybe..Just maybe, there's a reason!”

“Don't lose hope, don't give up. Just trust that God has something greater, better than you could ever have imagined!”

"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." Garth Brooks

I'm your Mrs International reminding you- TO CHOOSE LOVE,

Priscilla

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