If I gained weight - I was bad. If I lost weight - I was good. The vicious mindset made me proud starving myself, missing out on family dinners, and having “more will-power” than others. I felt like each thing I did to lose weight made me better and closer to being perfect. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The lies of the eating disorder were the absolute opposite of the truth.
I relied on my relationship with gravity (i.e. weight) to determine who I was as a person. I would get on the scale every morning and night… waiting for a number to tell me my worth. It was the most depressing and heart-wrenching time of my life - there was nothing glamorous about it. I was frail and had no energy. Everything that made me Amanda was stripped from my life.
Others would compliment me on my weight loss, but it was never enough. I wanted to be thinner and better. It was no way to live, thrive, or succeed.
Since my three year battle, I’ve overcome the enemies of my mind and battled the disordered thoughts as they come my way. While preparing for Miss International, I knew that the negativity might seep in… so I took precautions to make sure that I was preparing the healthy way. My body on the Miss International stage was the strongest and healthiest it’s ever been. I am beyond proud of what my body can do and what it represented. During the process, I didn’t step on the scale once because I finally understood that my worth and weight are not correlated.
Perhaps you’re facing a similar challenge with your weight or body. I know it’s challenging and hard… but I also know that it’s possible to overcome.
Remember that your worth is undeniable and non-negotiable. It does not vary depending on what the scale says. I haven’t stepped on a scale in over 2 years and I couldn’t be happier about it. If this is a step you need to take in order to take control of your life… do it. Throw. Away. The. Scale. It does not determine anything about who you are and what you have to offer.
You are so worth loving.
Redefining Beauty Worldwide,
Miss International 2016